searching for a soul trapped in a coma

When numbness takes over your body and you shake in unbearable shock how do you continue the simple act of breathing? How do you hold your head up high as tears free fall from knowing eyes? Each step weightedy by pain as your heart lays scrambled, dripping faith and hope like a faulty faucet. Saying that your hurt is so Mich an understatement. But theEnglish language really has no term or word suitable for the gut wrenching horror that comes from a life lesson so harsh as heartbreak such as this. When the flow of tears finally subsides my soul is still weeping inside. I pray that it gently slips into a coma.... blissfully unaware and untouchable hiding onside its self. Hiding deep inside me. Please bring me the peaceful surrender of detachment. For I have a heart that loves too completely

The Live Again

Staring out an open window, pondering the horizon,a shadow emerges from the place between the day and the twilight to come. The air seems thick and sticky in my lungs. Frantic hammering, jumping, squirming comes from my torn and tattered heart. The smell is an intoxicating wave rushing to meet me. My entire being screams "Who are you?" With a feverish need I realize that I have to know. To understand. To delve into the puzzle that is you. You will change me. As the ocean gently molds the shore. Peeling layer upon layer off ever so gently. Letting soft pearls of light shine through the stiffeling darkness. Slowly tempting and tourturing larger amounts of myself to splinter. Sending gaping cracks down my body. I shudder from the force of the awakening. You stand strong, stately before me. Placated, at triumphant with your work. A quivering step. Uncertanty radiating in my eyes. Your outstretched arms, roped with power, reach for me at last. I melt into them. Breathing, for what seems like the first time through the torrent oftears. And I am reborn.

mist: a poem

She is out there The milky morning Strong as Peppermint tea. Wind like a sigh Upon chilled flesh. She wears the Earth Like a glove; The joy A subtle radiance in her eyes.

The essence of Woman is compromised

There was a time, not so long ago at all were you would find a woman clad in her apron, singing sweetly while she floated and fluttered around her home. Filling it with enchanting smells and decadent edible fantasies. Making every inch a home that she was proud of, a sanctuary for her beloved family and faithful friends. Some find that image both demeaning and archaic. I ask why? Isn't it a blessing to make your life one of peace and happiness? Making mundane things into moments filled with a sort of spiritual elation? I have been asked a number of times by those I have given recipes to 'why does mine not taste like yours?!' What is the "extra" I put into mine? I am obviously leaving out a huge magical secret the lack there of is ruining their culinary masterpiece. My answer.... is Love. Yes. As corny as it sounds, I said 'love'. Imagine this: The house is a disaster. The kids are running wild like spazed out unicorns. Your husband (or what have you) is lounging, feet up, cold beer in his grasp, the paraphernalia of his day scattered haphazardly where they fell and his eyes are glazed with that 'stuck in the magic box' look. All the while, you 'have to get dinner on the table.' So, armed with a scowl on your face and a dose of anger clouding your vision you stomp into the kitchen. Slamming cupboards, ingredients, pots, pans, plates and silverware with the vengence of a woman scorned. As you mix up my recipe you add some ingredients of your own. A pinch of jealousy, a 1/3 cup of animosity, a splash of spite and a 1/2 cup of depression. Into the oven it goes with a flourish and slam! The bell tolls....: It looks as good as mine. Smells absolutly divine. You place a forkfull into your waiting, eager lips and somthing is not quite right. There is a flatness to it. Perhsps a bitter after taste. Why did you waste your time? Next time you have to get dinner ready, do not waste your time and energy feeding your family just a nutritional meal. Instead, make one that can also fuel a heart and enliven the soul. Bringing smiles out of sorrows and being capable of erasing the effects of the day is one of the powers of being a proper woman. Leave the bitter resentment at the door and pour a large helping of love and happiness into it instead. The difference is absolutly MAGICAL!

Thank you's and Thoughts

       During this crazy time we spend here on Earth we tend to make connections to many different people.  Those I have met and let into my life have been quite a varied group of eccentrics scattered with dousche bags and morons.  Some have been worth every second invested in them and our mutual bond.  Filling each others life with a light or tranquility with just the sheer presence of that individual on a day to day basis. There are people who elicit joy.  Those who inspire. There are people who make you want to strive to better yourself, because in them you see parts of the person you want to be. They help you change your consciousness and your view of yourself.  These are the good/ positive people that you should hold onto. They are the ones, whom even in your darkest hour, will see the light inside your soul and be able to see that soul in your eyes past the pain. Through thick and thin they will be there holding a banner and cheering you on.  Even if at times they merely watch as you transform piece by piece into the person you knew was waiting inside.
      There is no way to show the amount of proper gratitude towards these people.  What they do for you, your soul and your life is immeasurable.  All one can really do is share the same enthusiasm about them.  Be their support, their light..... the cheerleader in their life.
     All of those people who have abandoned you in your greatest times of need, when the pure inky darkness was so thick your could not even breathe through it..... they are not needed in your life.  You didn't matter enough for them to waste their time on, you should not waste your time on them.  I also believe that when a friendship ends, no matter how difficult the letting go is, it is never appropriate to speak negatively about the 'lost person' in the future.  Once you are out of someones life, it changes.  Sometime directly because of the loss but usually due to time and growth.  So the person you are sending negative energy to isn't even the same person you knew.  So please be careful with your words and with your thoughts.  They mold the world around you and can cause a ripple effect.  And it all comes back to you.