Getting Up. The Whys and Hows of it All.

life.
Sometimes it just seems like an endless parade of calamities. One thing following another like little toy soldiers.
It is so easy to get knocked down. It is the getting back up part that takes endless conviction and stamina. Making sure that everyday, you rise. You put one leg in your pants at a time, then shoes, bra, top. Then on to the bathroom to put on you facial facade of the day. You strive to be the best person that's in you at the beginning of everyday.
The tests we are made to undertake though can mount a significant amount of stress and a longing to just disappear back under the covers and stay there. And yet everyday, you get up. You march in line with all of the other little toy soldiers. Onto the daily troubles and turmoil that is dangling like vines before you.
How is it we keep moving on? Why don't we just give up? Stay in our own tranquil scared space and not give into the drama? Can anyone answer that?
It can be heartbreaking. The smallest thing can set off a deep and dark mood. A song on the radio sends a looming cloud of memories. So tormented is our soul." I miss you!" your heart cries out. Sometimes the tears are there to follow.
Someone who is said to love you can take a bat to your knees Nancy Keregan style. They can be so cruel and abusive that their love is difficult for you to fathom let alone believe in.
So why.... Why do you get out of bed?
I get out of bed because I deserve to be happy. I deserve the tranquility of my sacred space to follow me throughout my day, a radiant luminescent cape that drapes over my shoulder. Making me into the superhero I believe myself to be. I get up because I have little people who depend on me. That look to me like I am their superhero and I choose not to let them down. The sadness, lonelyness, hurt and turmoil are still there. But more as a dark shadow on the peripheral. I get up because I choose to. Because I have to. Because I need to. I ask again, why do you get up?

sorry

My mind is shredded. My heart sewn together with delicate silken threads. My soul, perched on the precipice of denial. I hurt. So confused, thoughts rush in like a maddening white water river pushing at the steel that holds me together. What do I do? Who am I? Why? So layered in questions I don't even know myself. Its got to stop. This pulsating desire. For it is tearing me apart. Ripping at the seams my fragile existence crumbles. With shaky steps, child-like in their instability , I walk towards the future. Unknowing. Black in the mirror of my eyes. I can not carry on on these weak limbs. With this weak soul. My heart seeps tragedy. I am sorry.

What's New?

Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks all in preparation for my future. As we speak, or you read and I type, I am waiting for the owner of Kelly's restaurant on Main St. to interview me for a cooking\waitress position. Pray for me.
I also went by CSI this week and picked up my class list and credit requirements for my Associates of Arts degree in Psychology. Next is to apply for my FAFSA and scholarships and to enroll. Which I will do Sunday at Billy's house.
On top of all of that, I am making more and more jewelry for all of the shops I am in and signed up to do the Arts on Main St during the music on main on Wednesday night. We will see how that goes. Its 20$ per week so I will see how much I make this week and decided from there where I want to go with it. Wish me luck in this as well and make sure you come by my booth to say hi if nothing else ( meaning supporting your local struggling artist and buying something!) lol.
I hope all is going well with all of you. Is there anything exciting going on in your life? Let me know, I am interested!
as always, love and light to all, Danielle.

you....

I think about you everyday, and miss you with an heartache so vast and unexpected. The emptiness in my heart like a plague. Slowly decaying the fragile organ made to keep me alive. Death sometimes seems a blessing, for the pain would vanish into the clouds and I'd sink into oblivion. You.... I never knew. Until it was too late to say everything you needed to hear. To ease your soul and scream out how much I truly love you. Time though, was not on my side and now all I get is silence. Met with a deafening yelling in my head over the injustice of words clouding my mind left silent and alien to your ears. I miss you. Everyday. I pray for you, for your eternal happiness without me. Maybe you see me. Maybe I am there with you in the recesses of your soul. I will never know. I love you, still, always and forever.

A BIG Thank you!

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all of my followers and readers! I've hit over 1600 page views from all over the world and am so thankful to have this medium to work in. I hope all of you enjoy my writing and information. Again, a huge thank you to the U.S., China, Canada and the Ukraine. Blessed be all of you.
with love and light, Danielle.